13: A Plan

When I was about 13 years old, I went through a time of severe depression. I thought often about what the easiest way to kill myself might be, and asked God almost every day to just take me in my sleep. I can't say for certain what I was angry or upset about at that time, but it seems I always was. I put on a decent show for people - no one really knew how badly I hated myself or my life. I was saved, and I knew Heaven was in my future, but I was blind to the idea of any hope for life before getting there. One day, in the midst of all of that, I cried out in my bedroom once again for God to kill me, and I heard very plainly (although not audibly) this verse: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)  God let me know that day that His words in the Bible were meant for me, too. I took this to heart and began to talk to God about this plan. He showed me things about preaching in foreign lands, and about ministering in places where most ministers do not go. It gave me a hope inside that there would be something bigger and better for me while still alive, if I would follow Him.
I haven't been perfect in fulfilling God's plan. I've been wishy-washy. Many times I'd be so on fire for God that I'd lay hands on people I didn't know to be healed... then there were many times when I became so apathetic toward the true cause of Christ that I should not have even called myself a Christian. But God knew how to get to me. In spite of my apathy, He continued to nudge me and call to me. In 2009 I decided to get off the roller coaster and just pursue God with my life. Still haven't been perfect, but my heart has stayed on Him, and He's never disappointed me.
This past year, God started requiring some real decisions from me. Some that were more drastic and in opposition to my flesh than "will you choose to pray today?" The pursuit of Him picked up speed and I found that I'm no longer just walking with Jesus, but I'm running a race. God has been revealing to me how important it is to get in His word, find the plan, and run with it. He's also taught me how to follow His gentle leadings and that if I'll listen, He will direct me. He has been making Jeremiah 29:11 more and more real to me these 13 years later, especially as 2013 approached. (Not likely a coincidence, but I don't pretend to understand the numbers and codes and all that stuff. I just think it's cool.)
So here on the first day of 2013, I'm praying about the year and God brings back to me the vision He gave me as a 13 year old, but says "This year, you won't just see it ahead, you'll see it happen."
2013 is my year. The year of happens. The year of His plan. I'm stoked.