brokenness.
most people dont teach on this. its not a popular message. doesnt make people feel good. isnt easy to prove with lots of scripture. no "thus saith the Lord, you must come to a place of brokenness before you are usable". however the bible hints at it over and over. our pride must break- we cant do anything without Him. our will must break- we will always fail without Him. our view of the world must break- nothing is anything without Him. and so often these things only break after much sorrow. when we've come to the end of ourselves finally and God says "are ya done? can I take it from here please?" and at that point, we finally can be that softened pliable clay that God the Potter can mold into the person He actually created us to be. we'll never be anything striving on our own. we'll never succeed trying to do things our way or even the way we think might be a good way. good ideas arent always God's ideas. so we have to surrender all- even the supposedly good things. all those things that we have been justifying as "oh thats not bad". if it's not God's best, then it needs to go cause it's a barrier between your heart and His. brokenness is about tearing down every barrier. its about smashing the idols in our hearts. it's about ripping out everything in us that isn't right or pleasing in His sight.
but on the other side of broken. :)
once all the demolition is done and all the rubble has been cleared away. once all the walls are down and your heart is laid bare. thats when God is faithful to what He said in His word. He is close to that broken heart. He is the healer. He is love. and so He comes and cleans up. He puts His healing balm in every scrape and gash that we've been hiding (or that was caused by the removal of the junk), and He soothes and massages every hurt. and suddenly our heart of stone has become a heart of flesh. and He can get the glory from the new us. the holy us. and He can transform us into the people He created us to be. and we can walk on painlessly.
but first comes the brokenness. first comes that surrender. first comes the demolition.
dave hasz used to tell a story called "The Dangerous Prayer". it was about his life and how when he was in his late teens or early 20s he prayed and told God that he would surrender himself completely to Him, and that he would do whatever He asked him to do. shortly after this, his fiancee cheated on him with his best friend and he lost both of them. he went thru some other stuff i cant remember at his work and his church. and finally one day he began to yell at God "why is this happening to me? i surrendered all to You!!" and God said "yes and now those things are out of your life. are you ready to see what I have in store?" not long after that he met the lady he is married to now and rather than being the selfish cheating kind, she was a prayer warrior and faithful and loving. he ended up in better situations in another job (in the ministry i think) and changed to a better church. turns out that by following his own plan, he had himself in a fairly "successful" place that was totally out of the will of God, but once he was broken, God fixed him up real nice. :)
and no i'm not saying God causes bad stuff to happen to us so that we'll do things His way, but what i am saying is sometimes the rough stuff happens because we havent surrendered ourselves fully and therefore God cant really prevent it. we've wanted to chart our own course our own way, and so we have to live with our own consequences. until we come to that breaking point where we say "God i can't go on like this, i need you to fix my life Your way" and then He can come to the rescue...
sometimes people my age think i'm sheltered, weird, or a goody-two-shoes because of my standards. they are like "whats wrong with secular music? this song doesnt have any cussing or anything really BAD in it, so what's the big deal?" or "why dont you wanna go see that movie? its only rated pg-13, you've been over 13 for a long time, dont you think you can act like a 'big girl' yet?" or "so what if it's rated R, you're an adult!" or "who cares what your parents think? you're 24, act your age and make decisions for yourself!" or "oh you think you're so righteous dont you? a glass of wine or a beer every now and then won't hurt anyone, and the bible doesnt say not to anyways"
but no, i wont listen to secular music. i wont even listen to alot of "Christian" music. because it wears out my spirit. makes me feel gross inside. it doesnt bring glory to God, and usually just sows to my flesh nature.
no i wont watch alot of pg13 movies because the content is not going to build me up, its going to bring me down. its going to plant seeds of lust or hatred or some other sin in me and i dont want that mess growing up.
no i wont watch rated R movies (exception being The Passion) because to me, why fill your mind and heart with something that people under 17 shouldnt be watching... if they cant, why is it suddenly ok for me? its not.
no i will not do things that go against my parents wishes right now. i'm not a rebel. and they really are not strict. if my parents have said "dont do something" generally there is a good reason. a reason for my safety or to save my reputation, or to simply keep myself out of furthur trouble.
no i wont drink. end of discussion.
i'm not trying to be "holier than thou" with anyone. shoot, i wish that people lived holier lives with me and gave me higher aspirations. and i'm not saying my actions make me holy either. holiness isnt determined by what you do, but by His grace. plus having a "holy" lifestyle is more about the heart behind what you do. some people think women cant wear makeup if they are going to live a holy life, but in my heart i dont feel convicted about makeup. i wouldnt ever wear so much as to distract from God in a church service or something, but God hasnt said for me not to wear it. if He ever did, i'd give it up in a heartbeat. and He knows that. and thats probably why He's never told me to. the willingness of your heart is what God looks at. like with Abraham. God saw that he was willing to sacrifice Isaac, and He didnt make him do it. i dont know but what Isaac would've died young or something had Abraham not taken him up there to die that day. but his willingness to obey God at any cost is what God was looking for, and is what saved Isaac. i wanna have that heart. i havent had it most of my life, and i know i still dont in some areas. but i'm getting there. i'm coming to a place where if God says "give this up" i'm like "sure ok" instead of whining "God do i have to? are you sure?" like i used to. that way of living only brought heartache. and i'm so over that. i wanna live a life of no regrets. a narrow road life. a life being fully surrendered water that He turns into wine.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
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